Relationship Expert Shares Three Toxic Phrases You Should Never Say To Your Partner

A relationship expert has pointed out several phrases that people should avoid saying to their partner if they want to protect the health of their relationship.

When you are in a relationship, there are certain comments that may seem small in the moment but can leave a lasting mark. Most people know there are lines you should not cross with someone you care about.

For example, saying things like ‘you look nice for a change’ or ‘you sound just like your mom’ may sound like jokes to some, but they can feel hurtful and critical. Comments like these can chip away at trust and closeness over time, especially if they happen more than once.

Putting your partner down or minimizing their achievements are clear warning signs in any relationship. If you love someone, you should support them during hard moments and celebrate their wins, not tear them down.

Still, a relationship expert has explained that there are other phrases that may not sound as harsh on the surface, yet they can still create serious damage over time.

Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein said in Psychology Today: “It’s human nature to take things for granted. Unfortunately, the same thing happens in our intimate relationships, where we can lose sight of just how precious and special our partners are to us.”

“Following are some observations I often make in couples that come to see me for couples counselling, specifically related to letting their guard down and treating each other poorly.”

With that in mind, here are the phrases he warns couples to avoid and why they can be so harmful.

‘You’re too sensitive’

This phrase dismisses a person’s feelings and suggests that their emotional reaction is the problem, rather than the situation itself. It can make someone feel small or embarrassed for reacting to something that genuinely hurt them.

Bernstein explained that this comment is often linked to something called stonewalling, where one partner shuts down and refuses to engage in a healthy discussion.

“Given that the hallmark of any healthy relationship is the ability to have calm, constructive conversations, stonewalling does not bode well for any relationship’s future,” he said.

‘You’re overreacting’

The term ‘gaslighting’ is widely used on social media, but many people misunderstand what it really means. At its core, it involves making someone question their own reality or believe that they are imagining problems that clearly exist.

In relationships, this tactic can be used to gain control. A partner might dismiss a concern by claiming the other person is ‘overreacting’, which shifts blame and avoids real accountability.

Bernstein shared an example involving a couple he called ‘Lisa’ and ‘Aaron’. In their case, the phrase ‘you’re overreacting’ became a recurring issue that caused deep tension between them.

He explained: “She said, ‘In the earlier days, Aaron would tell me he was crazy about me, but in the last couple of years, all he does is tell me I’m crazy when I try to talk to him about important things in our relationship’.”

“A few months later, I received a crisis call from Aaron, whom I had only met once. Aaron begged to come in with Lisa. Lisa begrudgingly agreed to the session.”

“She was ice cold to Aaron as he lay outstretched on the floor in my office. Lisa was resolute, ‘I’m done!’. Their relationship was over.”

‘It’s no big deal’

This phrase connects back to the same pattern of dismissing someone’s emotions instead of taking the time to understand them. When a partner brushes something off as unimportant, it can make the other person feel unheard.

Even if an issue seems small to one person, it might carry a lot of weight for the other. Ignoring that difference can create distance and frustration.

Bernstein also warned against ‘keeping score’ in relationships, where partners mentally track who did what wrong or who apologized last. This behavior often leads to resentment and power struggles.

He said: “Being wedded to a mental tally of things like who apologised last, initiated intimacy, or picked up around the house breeds resentment and power struggles.”